Time to rediscover ME
I am starting my journey to me today. A little late as, predictably, I had intended to start in January. But maybe I wasn't ready then. When are we ready for anything? When is the right time to start a blog, find yourself, have a baby, get a new job? I don't think that there particularly is so, today, the 8 February 2018, is my right time. I think I am ready. I want to begin a journey where I can set myself free from the trappings of adulthood and parenting and employment and housekeeping to re-find myself. I want to be content with who I am, what I do, how I feel and how I look. I find I put a lot of pressure on myself to be interesting and funny and talented and youthful and stylish. The last two are particularly worrisome as I get older and youth slips away from me. The value placed by society on people in middle age focuses a lot on superficial trappings. I fall into that trap like may other people; I want to make finding my style again part of my journey too.
I am attempting to make creativity a daily part of my life. This can be anything from writing to knitting to crocheting to crafting to painting to redesigning the interior of our new house. I also want to make time to read and to take myself off to other places with other people. I want these to be constants in the hope that they will help me on my journey.
I found a book that kick started my thinking about undertaking this process. I have been stuck in a career rut. I don't mind my profession, however, it was never my calling or first choice of employment, or dream job from my youth. However, it paid the bills and offered job stability. When I turned 40 I had an overwhelming need to flee from my life. I felt overwhelmed by this milestone and what it represented to me: the loss of youth, my son leaving home, a career where I was no further forwards than I was ten years ago, life in a city I didn't particularly like, a stagnant relationship with my husband and, of course, a diminishing sex life; overall my self-esteem was at an all time low, and recognition that I would not have another much wanted child was difficult to turn into acceptance. I have made it through the two years since then, back on medication, but I still feel like I am drifting along with no real direction.
The book that has prompted me to look at myself is called 'A Year to Clear' by Stephanie Bennett Vogt. I've bought self-help books before but I haven't really placed much effort into using them. This time, however, I am going to blog my way through each day of this 365 day project on me. Week One, Day One starts tomorrow. I hope that somehow I can gather support and encouragement from the online community I know is out there. Is anyone interested in other people's struggles? I think so; I hope someone out there proves me right.
I am attempting to make creativity a daily part of my life. This can be anything from writing to knitting to crocheting to crafting to painting to redesigning the interior of our new house. I also want to make time to read and to take myself off to other places with other people. I want these to be constants in the hope that they will help me on my journey.
I found a book that kick started my thinking about undertaking this process. I have been stuck in a career rut. I don't mind my profession, however, it was never my calling or first choice of employment, or dream job from my youth. However, it paid the bills and offered job stability. When I turned 40 I had an overwhelming need to flee from my life. I felt overwhelmed by this milestone and what it represented to me: the loss of youth, my son leaving home, a career where I was no further forwards than I was ten years ago, life in a city I didn't particularly like, a stagnant relationship with my husband and, of course, a diminishing sex life; overall my self-esteem was at an all time low, and recognition that I would not have another much wanted child was difficult to turn into acceptance. I have made it through the two years since then, back on medication, but I still feel like I am drifting along with no real direction.
The book that has prompted me to look at myself is called 'A Year to Clear' by Stephanie Bennett Vogt. I've bought self-help books before but I haven't really placed much effort into using them. This time, however, I am going to blog my way through each day of this 365 day project on me. Week One, Day One starts tomorrow. I hope that somehow I can gather support and encouragement from the online community I know is out there. Is anyone interested in other people's struggles? I think so; I hope someone out there proves me right.
Comments
Post a Comment