I'm an 'empty nester'.
I'm in my early 40's and that time has come. The one I have read about and wondered what it would be like. I am an empty nester. My son is all grown up and will be going to university. We have moved house and left him behind - his introduction to living alone and caring for himself at the grand age of 21. But, the thing is, I don't want this to be my identity. I want to be me again. You know, the person I was BC - before child - and BM - before marriage. I know that I am not that person anymore - I'm 21 years older for a start - but there are some parts of me that I feel I need to find again; the person with the dreams and ideas, the great imagination, the stories and the poetry, the real love for reading and history; the fun person, the 'gregarious' person. The not depressed me. The person who had drive and ambition and didn't feel as battered and bruised by how life has turned out. I need to focus on the positives - of which there are many - and use this time, this 'me' time, this 'my' time positively and constructively.
I won't lie; I do have some ideas on how to reconnect with myself. The problem is my motivation levels. My husband works away a lot so I spend lots of time by myself. It would be easy to lay in bed or on the sofa all day but that isn't going to get me far. I have requisitioned a wall in our kitchen and painted a blackboard on it. That blackboard is now my life planner. Every week I will be scheduling in to do's - some will be green, which means they need to be done but can be moved around or abandoned in favour of something else that takes my fancy; the others will be red and non-negotiable. They will have to be done either when scheduled, or by the end of the week and the timetable is being redrawn. It has worked for the past 4 (!) days as it has given me focus and direction. I am also being strict with my morning routine, which is non-negotiable. When I get up I can have my two cups of coffee, but then I have to shower, dress and put on my make up. I have to walk the dog - although to be honest, he wants a walk so badly that it is impossible to do anything else until it is done.
I want to find out who I am. I have this picture of who I want to be and what I want to achieve, but I don't know if that is me, or if I am projecting skills and characteristics that I admire and like in others onto myself. How do I tell what is really me, and what is an aspiration/view that I have hijacked and customised to me - I ask this question sincerely and hope that somewhere out there someone will have some ideas.
I won't lie; I do have some ideas on how to reconnect with myself. The problem is my motivation levels. My husband works away a lot so I spend lots of time by myself. It would be easy to lay in bed or on the sofa all day but that isn't going to get me far. I have requisitioned a wall in our kitchen and painted a blackboard on it. That blackboard is now my life planner. Every week I will be scheduling in to do's - some will be green, which means they need to be done but can be moved around or abandoned in favour of something else that takes my fancy; the others will be red and non-negotiable. They will have to be done either when scheduled, or by the end of the week and the timetable is being redrawn. It has worked for the past 4 (!) days as it has given me focus and direction. I am also being strict with my morning routine, which is non-negotiable. When I get up I can have my two cups of coffee, but then I have to shower, dress and put on my make up. I have to walk the dog - although to be honest, he wants a walk so badly that it is impossible to do anything else until it is done.
I want to find out who I am. I have this picture of who I want to be and what I want to achieve, but I don't know if that is me, or if I am projecting skills and characteristics that I admire and like in others onto myself. How do I tell what is really me, and what is an aspiration/view that I have hijacked and customised to me - I ask this question sincerely and hope that somewhere out there someone will have some ideas.
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